Favorite - Humor Quotes :
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What good would that do?
I distinctly remember forgetting that.
People like crowds. The bigger the crowd, the more people show up. Small crowd, hardly anybody shows up.
The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up
You can fool all of the people all of the time if the advertising is right and the budget is big enough.
I took a philosophy test that asked us to explain Nothingness. I left it blank
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is
If it weren't for marriage, men and women would have to fight with total strangers.
There are three types of people in this world: those who make things happen, those who watch things happen and those who wonder what happened.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing
A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles
After God created the world, He made man and woman. Then, to keep the whole thing from collapsing, He invented humor.
I sometimes smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Where there is a will, there are five hundred relatives.
Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
Whenever you have to make a decision, listen to your heart, then your head & finally do what your wife tells you to do
This is worse than a divorce, I have lost half of my net worth and I still have a wife!
Money, Attitude, Ego are like underwear. You should have it but you should not show it unless you are superman
I cannot give you a formula for success, but I can give you the formula for failure: Try to please everyone.
It's amazing how easy it is for a man to understand a wife - when she isn`t his own!
All desirable things in life are either illegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!
Don't get too high and excited, about 100,0000 people in the world have the same birthday as you.
The stronger sex is actually the weaker sex, because of the weakness of the stronger sex for the weaker sex
I always tell the truth. Even if I have to lie to do it.
Self made men have one common problem: they worship their maker.
I believe in equality. I believe all people are equally inferior to me.
